—The Death of You and Me
so i have this ridiculous plan that involves hurting a lot of people. its one of the moments where i think i have to be selfish.
its a disappearing act.
one day i will be here, the next i won’t. nobody knows where i am going, if i am coming back, who i am with, what i will be doing. i could very well be dead and they would never know. it seems dramatic and irrational, you don’t know this city. it eats your souls for breakfast. i am basically eliminating any chance of staying here. so yes, friends and family alike will be left in devastation ( if they really care) but i will be a happy camper. worth it? probably not. but i am willing to risk that.
goodbye red deer and all the ignorant, naive, monotonous bullshit you stand for.
secretly i will miss you.
For a moment when the blare of the tv subsides
And then song fills the air, playing every night
A change in the key feels like a change in the season
the sun is rising again
the aquired taste for sadness kicks in
why must we go through this today
these desolate skies are always grey
the misconception of a man and his wife
we keep struggling to find the life
it was once there, we had better days
now in this morning i watch them fade
the beauty of a disastrous love kept a hold
but i cant even imagine growing old
stuck in this sorrow, this impending doom
we should not spend our lives in this constant gloom
the hatred kept growing
the fits we were throwing
the anger would build up
why can’t enough be enough
stuck on an idea that love is everlasting
we were living in the irate spells we were casting
we found comfort in our irritations
marriage is an obligation
but now, it has to be done
its going down, that same sun
it was never good, or fine or even alright
but now its finished, resentment won the fight
its really quite interesting to me how perplexed our lives are. we all get tangled up in each others messes, and its all so sloppy. i would really one day like to find two people who haven’t been through hell just to stay happy. is it really worth staying acquainted with someone when you’re really just going to be catching everything they throw at you? is there a point when you must move on, and so to speak release them? i think yes. this is a year of releasing all the people who really shouldn’t be there. we’d all be much happier anyways.
she philosophically noted dates as they came past in the revolution of the year;…her own birthday; and every other day individualized by incidents in which she had taken some share. She suddenly thought one afternoon, when looking in the glass at her fairness, that there was yet another date, of greater importance to her then those; that of her own death, when all these charms would have disappeared; a day which lay sly and unseen among all the other days of the year, giving no sign or sound when she annually passed over it; but not the less surely there. When was it?
—thomas hardy- Tess of the d’Urbervilles